Should you confess to cheating after a one night stand?

Encyclopedia of Opinion

Question: Should you confess to cheating after a one night stand?
Position1 of 2›: Yes, cheating is wrong
Argument: Confessing is honourable

Lying or keeping secrets from your partner about a one night stand can be more damaging than the infidelity itself. Trust is the most important factor in maintaining a healthy relationship.

The argument

If you have a one night stand with someone, it generally means one time, no-strings sex where each participant tends not to see each other again. But that's not a reason to not tell your partner if you've strayed. People value honesty. Intentionally keeping information from your partner about a one night stand can sometimes be more of a violation of trust than the sexual betrayal in question. Confession means accountability. It also means respecting your partner's right to be told the truth. And lying or keeping secrets from your partner about a bad choice you made can cause your partner more pain if they find out much later. Lies and keeping secrets can be manipulative and calculating behaviour could lead your partner to never trust your words or actions again. If you are genuinely remorseful, value your relationship, and want to keep it, then you should come clean. Let your partner go through the emotions they are feeling and see if they are willing to let you work on restoring trust again. Owning up is the honourable thing to do.

Premises

[P1]Partners value honesty and have a right to know about betrayals that affect their relationship. [P2] Concealing a one night stand compounds the original betrayal with ongoing deception, causing greater harm if discovered later. [P3] Confessing demonstrates accountability and gives the partner the chance to decide whether to rebuild trust. [C] Therefore, confessing to cheating after a one night stand is the honourable course of action.

Counter-arguments

If your relationship is already damaged and you and your partner don't want to repair or continue in your relationship, one night stands don't need to be mentioned. Your partner might already have said they don't want to know about your behaviour, which means full disclosure may not be necessary. It is also important to consider your partner's mental and physical state to ascertain if they are well enough to handle your infidelity. If it will cause them more harm than good, keep it to yourself.

Rejecting the premises

[Rejecting P1] A right to know is not unconditional. Some partners say in advance that they do not want to be told, and honouring that is respecting them rather than deceiving them. [Rejecting P2] The harm comparison is assumed rather than shown. Confession transfers distress from the person who acted to the person who did not, and the claim that later discovery would be worse presupposes a discovery that may never happen. [Rejecting P3] Accountability can take other forms — ending the involvement, seeking help, or ending the relationship. Confession can also serve the confessor's own relief at the partner's expense, which is the opposite of the honour the premise credits it with.