Encyclopedia of Opinion

Question: What is love?
Position1 of 6›: Love is pure emotion
Argument‹5 of 5: Love is about building a 'We'

Love is the abandonment of two 'I's and the formation of a single 'We'

The argument

When an individual is in love, they go from looking out for their own interests to looking out for the couple’s interests. They stop acting in a way that benefits the 'I' and begin acting in the interests of the 'We'. Love refers to the dissolution of distinctions between ‘my’ interests and ‘your’ interests and the formation of ‘our’ interests. This doesn’t have to be a black and white situation. It is possible to have some shared concerns and interests and others that remain as ‘my’ interests and ‘your’ interests. However, the deeper the love becomes, the deeper the union becomes and the less distinction between the two remains. Love is both the desire to form a union and the construction of the union, the merging of two 'I's with their own personal interests into one 'We' with shared interests and concerns.

Context

When two people fall in love, they leave behind their former selves as an 'I' and become a 'We'.

Premises

[P1]When in love, an individual shifts from pursuing their own 'I' interests to pursuing the couple's 'We' interests, dissolving the distinction between 'my' and 'your' concerns. [P2] The deeper the love, the deeper this union becomes, with love being both the desire to form the union and the active construction of it. [C] Therefore, because love is the emotional impulse to merge two 'I's into one shared 'We', love is pure emotion.

Counter-arguments

This theory for love only holds up in a metaphorical sense. It does away with individual autonomy in couples and removes the individual from the relationship. It is possible to be in love and remain independent. Two people can have different interests, values, concerns, fears, priorities and goals and still be in love. Respecting this individual autonomy can actually bring people together and make for a healthier relationship. This view of love also fails to account for selfish agents who fall in love, who may not act in the benefit of the union but according to their personal interests and goals. Is this person not experiencing real love? Alternatively, love may be unrequited or one-sided. Therefore, the union itself is not the love. This view of love is particularly damaging for women. As women are encouraged by society to marry "up" and wed someone of a higher social standing than themselves, with a better job and a larger salary. When the 'we' is created, the dominant party will likely have a larger stake in the new identity. This often means the male in the relationship can assert dominance. If we want to establish equality in our relationships and avoid the overt oppression of women, we must abandon this union definition of love.

Rejecting the premises

[Rejecting P1] This is not an essential part of being in love. People can be in love and maintain their individual goals, interests and concerns.